No Simple Choice
When she saw the two lines appear on the test, Bailey could not believe that she was pregnant. Three months after experiencing a difficult break up with the birth father after a four-year relationship, all she could think was “this should not be happening.”
Bailey remembers that day well, “After I got over the shock, I decided right away abortion was not an option and I was going to place this child for adoption. Although, it was never that simple; being pregnant was a difficult transition, I had to change my lifestyle and start the process of finding a family. It was a little overwhelming but at the same time I knew I could do this.”
Meanwhile, Alisa and Kevin Lowry were losing hope as they waited to adopt a second child. Seeking a local adoption agency, they were referred to New Life by a family friend.
Alisa and Kevin had already been selected by two other birth mothers who ultimately chose to parent their children. Kevin remembers the experience, “We were very discouraged and wondering if there was something wrong with us as a family. We constantly wondered why we weren’t getting chosen.”
However, waiting for Bailey was God’s plan for us.”
Bailey chose New Life as an adoption agency,“Already having families ready for me and mediating
our conversations was a really nice boundary for us. I really appreciated the fact that New Life tried to get to know me and matched adoptive families to me based on my personality and adoption preferences.”
Bailey was looking through all of the waiting families profiles, stories, and photo books when she came across the Lowry Family. “I remember reading about them, the life they lived, and seeing their first son was adopted too.”
I knew right off the bat this was the family I wanted to have for my child.”
Bailey wanted to meet the Lowrys right away, and brought her mom with her.
Kevin remembers, “we were protecting our hearts as we talked with Bailey and her mom, having been chosen twice before. We didn’t want our hopes crushed again. We were really nervous about how we represented ourselves, but we immediately felt comfortable with Bailey and her mother, Nancy.”
Bailey and the Lowry family were so comfortable with one another they decided to make an open adoption plan which has allowed Bailey to be a part of her daughter’s life.
“It didn’t have to be constant communication, but I wanted to meet a few times a year. I just want her to know I’m there. I don’t want her to grow up with unanswered questions; and I want her to know she can always call me and meet with me,” said Bailey.
After Bailey was able to sit down and meet the Lowry family, her choice was reaffirmed. “I loved them. We talked for two hours and meeting them was not stressful or uncomfortable. I knew they were the ones and this was the family for my daughter.”
Not Just an Exchange
Placing a child for adoption is a decision made out of love with the child’s best interests in mind.
Adoptive Mother Alisa stated, “We hope our birth mothers never regret their decision to place their children for adoption. Bailey assured us she was completely confident and happy with her decision and adoption was the right option for her. She also continuously affirms us as parents and has no regrets. We want for the birth mothers to be able enjoy their lives while still enjoying their relationship with their birth children.”
Bailey’s mother, Nancy, was with her during this process, “It’s a very proud moment in our lives. This has bonded us and we know we would not have done it any other way.”
Bailey is comforted as a mother because her daughter has so many people to love her.
I wasn’t giving a baby to strangers. They became an extension of my family.”
Bailey added, “Seeing Avery grow up in their family has been amazing. She has a mom, a dad, and a brother, she plays sports, and has everything she needs. If I had decided to parent, she wouldn’t have that freedom to do what she would like to. She wouldn’t have parents who are together, and she would have to go back and forth between two families. This is where
Looking back on the adoption journey and the difficult wait for Avery to join their family, the Lowrys see God’s hand at work. “After waiting for so long, we thought adoption was not for us anymore and this was God saying we need to look elsewhere. We have a family now. We have seen God work in our family and in this process in so many ways. Just being able to be a family was from God as I was not able to have biological children. God has been there for us in the ups and downs of the adoption process, especially with deciding whether to have an open or closed adoption relationship. God has totally opened our hearts to this adoption relationship differently than what we expected; and we can clearly see now this has been what is best for our family.”
We were excited for our daughter to come, but with New Life we know the birth parents are taken care of as well.”
Alisa and Kevin speak so highly of their children’s birth mothers as if they were a part of their own family, “We want them to know they are always loved. We are praying for them and we want them to know we are concerned for them too. It’s not just about our kids; the birth mothers have become our family too. They are loved, they are appreciated, and we will never be able to fully express how much they mean to us.”