STORY 34/50: I was a 19-year-old guy who had the world by the horns, and I was not about to take time to figure out how to live my life taking care of a child. I had dreams and plans—I wanted to get married and buy a house and start life the right way. I wanted things and a career. I wanted to graduate college and find that perfect life. I knew how to handle the situation of my girlfriend becoming pregnant…I knew that abortion was going to be the easiest and fastest way to get life back on track. But I was wrong.
Growing up in a strong Christian house with parents who cared about and loved me, I knew abortion was wrong. I knew I was taking a life. It was so clear to me that it was a sin that I wrote a book report about it in high school, and I protested at the local women’s clinic. But even with such an understanding, I found myself at age 19 asking my future wife to have an abortion, to end the life of our unborn child all in the name of convenience. I rationalized in my mind that this procedure was no big deal, that this ball of goo was not a baby, not a child, not a human being. I never wavered from what I was asking my future wife to do—I never thought of her feelings or the trauma that she would experience each and every day. I never thought of the pain caused to the baby. I never thought of the negative effect that the abortion would have on the children we would have together later in life. I thought only about myself and what would work for me and my life.
Words cannot describe the life that you live after having an abortion. For 28 years, my wife and I barely spoke about what happened. I never asked how she was doing. I never knew how bad life was for her. I assumed that we had processed and moved on, but I knew deep inside that we had not processed, we had not grieved, and we needed help—we needed God!
To this day, I continually ask my wife to forgive me, as I was the reason that we decided to have an abortion. If I had never suggested abortion, we would have a healthy 29-year-old today. I live my life day by day asking our gracious God to forgive me of my sin. I know now by going through the Conquerors program that God forgives and has forgotten that sin, and that I am made new every day.
I want to say thank you to Caroline and the Conquerors program for offering my wife and me the chance to talk and walk through the trauma, and to show how God can and will work all things for good.
