Motherhood to Me
By Kristina, Birth Grandmother
Being a mother takes more strength then you would ever think you possess, until your child needs you to be strong!
I remember when my daughter shared she was pregnant, she was so upset and worried that I would be “mad” at her. Initially, I needed a little bit of time to process, but after a brief moment, I jumped into action. I knew my daughter and granddaughter needed me to be strong and supportive. And I can tell you that from the moment she told me, my love for her and the baby far outweighed my “disappointment or frustration” with the situation.
I knew that my daughter wasn’t ready to parent, so I was very supportive of the option of adoption—particularly open adoption. My older brother is adopted and I have seen that adoption is a beautiful and life-giving choice. Our journey started with New Life when one of my best friends shared with me that she and her husband had gone through New Life Adoptions to adopt two of their boys many years earlier. From the moment we walked in–feeling a little nervous, unsure, and scared–the staff at New Life were consistently kind, caring, calming, and understanding. Our social worker was like a breath of fresh air. She was always willing to discuss every concern and made sure we fully understood each step.
I remember standing in our social worker’s office right before we were going in to our first meeting with the adoptive family. It was a big mixture of excitement, hope, and nerves. We were thinking, “Will they like us? Would we like them? Was this complicated road going to be something we could walk through with these people?” But of course, God was a part of every detail in this process—in every concern, question, and idea.
When I prayed about the decision of adoption, God made it clear to me that He had the perfect parents already hand-picked for this little granddaughter of mine. I had a vision of the adoptive mother. I saw a petite woman with a curly blonde bob haircut; I couldn’t see her face, but I could sense that her spirit was tender and kind. When I described the vision to my daughter she said, “that sounds like a kindergarten teacher!” And sure enough, when we went into the meeting, the adoptive mother had short blonde hair that she often wore curly, and was an art teacher.
God has been in every detail of this process and has exceeded our every expectation. When I thought I couldn’t take the next step, He carried me. The day of the entrustment ceremony was by far the hardest day of my life. I had encouraged my child to place this beautiful baby girl for adoption, for both of their well beings. But, I couldn’t help but feel the gravity of the choice that day. I had to look my grieving daughter in the eyes and tell her she had made the right decision to place for adoption. In that moment, I felt God sit next to me and hold my broken heart as I held hers.
Being a birth grandmother has been the most beautiful thing. My granddaughter is perfect in every way! I have loved her deeply since the moment I knew she existed. Helping my daughter to make the decision to place her was difficult to say the least, as I knew this meant I was giving up my “grandma rights”. But her adoptive family has been very generous in sharing her with us, and for that we are forever grateful!