Motherhood to Me
By Rachel, Adoptive Mother
Motherhood is something I feel in every part of my soul. It has to be different than biology, doesn’t it? It’s more complex, amazing, and sacred.
I was diagnosed at five years old with Type 1 Diabetes, and rather than go through a high-risk pregnancy, my husband and I decided that adoption was the answer for us as we sought to grow our family. In 2013, we decided we were ready to learn more about it, and after consulting with a number of people, New Life Adoptions was the agency we landed on.
I’m not exactly sure when I first saw myself as a mother, but I know that the first Mother’s Day I experienced while waiting in the pool of adoptive parents felt very emotional. I was so ready to be a mother, but was unsure of when or if it would happen. My husband bought me flowers that day, and I was so thankful he understood that I was a mother-in-waiting. My heart was ready. Life just needed to catch up.
After a few ups and downs in our journey, we adopted our oldest daughter in 2014. I remember feeling really unsure at first, as I didn’t feel like her mother immediately. But then it became a natural, barely noticeable transition, and it was so easy to fall in love with her. I now feel in every part of my soul that I am a mother, no other title needed. I am HER mother.
As soon as we could, we jumped right into our next home study for a second adoption. As we waited for a second placement, God kept speaking this verse to me from Ephesians 3:20, “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine…” I knew He was preparing me for something. I knew it wasn’t going to be something I was asking him for, it was going to be better than I could design. He was inviting me to trust Him with my desires, hopes, and dreams. And He was true to His word!
We waited for four years. And one morning I woke up just knowing in my that heart we would receive news of a very special adoption situation, and we did! My husband said he knew in his heart that the birth mother would want to meet us, and we were informed that she wanted to set up a meeting about a week later. We were told that no decisions had been made yet, and that she would possibly be meeting other families.
The day of the meeting we were SO nervous! I changed my outfit at least three times. We met with her and her mom at the agency, and as soon as we walked in, we all quickly realized just how nervous everyone was. We were able to laugh a bit about it to ease the tension. The whole meeting seemed to be covered by the Holy Spirit, and it was amazing to witness. The birth grandmother, Kristina, shared that God had given her a vision of the adoptive parents, and the picture was an image of us! It felt so incredible to be reassured that God was in control and guiding us. We ended the meeting all in tears at what God was doing, and we took home our daughter four months later.
As painful as our journey has been at times, it has also given us the purest joys of our lives. Becoming a mother, comforting and holding my sweet children whom I prayed so hard for, watching them sleep peacefully, witnessing their growth, and watching a sisterly bond blossom, have been some of the best moments of my life. Starting this journey, I didn’t truly comprehend the depth of love that I could feel, and I didn’t know that the word “family” could encompass so many people.